


Backwards

by TheOddReader



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Gen, M/M, didthisagesago, idkokay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 08:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4214508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOddReader/pseuds/TheOddReader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haise x Male!Reader x Kaneki</p>
            </blockquote>





	Backwards

**Author's Note:**

> A thing I wrote a while ago. It's set after Haise fights with Nishio.
> 
> Thanks for reading and enjoy!  
> Just saying, the html messed up a bit near the end.  
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Haise often had nightmares. Well, not merely often, but more like almost every other night. He'd bolt up, sweat pouring off him as he gasped in the darkness with his heart pounding against his ribcage. It tired him, until shadows were constantly residing under his eyes and he yawned with his mind unable to focus on anything during the day.

But lately, he'd been having... _dreams_. They didn't feel like dreams though, more like...memories. He wasn't exactly _in_ the dreams in a sense. He would just be there, witnessing it all, an unseen visitor standing somewhere quietly watching everything happen.

They were always lucid. Very, very lucid to the point of Haise believing them to be real.

 

The first one was a shock, and Haise did his best to dismiss it afterwards, half-forgetting it until the second came to him and he was forced to accept that they meant _something_.

Haise remembered feeling a soft breeze before he opened his eyes. He felt warm sunlight on his back, and a faint flutter of happiness for some unknown reason. He was standing, clad in his normal clothes, his long coat fluttering gently as he noticed the park in front of him. The scene only consisted of the park, nothing else. The rest was all an empty, white space, only interrupted by a round, grassy circle and a square of concrete squatting in the middle, the meagre park situated on top. Nobody was there, apart from Haise himself and two young children. They were playing in a sandpit, one black-haired, quietly concentrating on building with the gritty sand and the other, blonde chattering with a wide grin. Haise couldn't hear what they were saying. There was a fuzziness in his ears that stopped their voices from being heard, like something or someone was censoring them. As he watched, the blonde pointed at something in the whiteness and got up to run, calling back over his shoulder as he sprinted towards Haise. Haise tried to cry out before the boy crashed into him but his tongue felt heavy, unwilling to allow Haise control.

The boy ran straight through him.

Haise felt nothing as the blonde barrelled through his body; as though it didn't exist. Haise spun, catching a glimpse of the boy before he simply disappeared, evaporating into the undiluting white. It took awhile before Haise could turn back to gaze at the remaining boy, still crouching in the sandpit. His mind was strangely calm, somehow able to process and accept the surreal world around him despite not knowing why or how. It scared him, but at the same time, it didn't.

Then another boy materialised, just behind the sandpit, his eyes wide and (E/C) as he stared curiously at the black-haired boy, head slightly tilted. The strange buzzing in Haise's ears abruptly stopped, lifting so Haise could hear their words.

"That's a nice castle," His voice was quiet, and though Haise had never heard it before, somehow vaguely familiar.

The black-haired boy glanced up, before bashfully lowering his head again to stare at his creation, a small, nervous on his lips. "Thank you."

The (H/C)-haired boy came to kneel down beside him, wonderingly gazing at the sculpture. "It's so pretty,"

"T-thank you..." A silence coated the two and Haise distinctly felt awkward, a small flush creeping across his cheeks as the black-haired boy blushed.

"Ah! I'm sorry!" The boy shook his (H/C) locks before offering a smile, "My name's-"

Suddenly, Haise felt the ground shift, great cracks appearing across the pure white and running across the walls in impossible speeds. Haise gasped, unable to move as the floor shattered, caving in and dropping Haise into a world of black, pieces of crystal swirling across his sight as he let out a voiceless cry. He felt a dizzying shiver of delight before a bolt of pain obliterated everything else.

 

Haise woke up.

 

.

.

.

 

The second dream happened a few days later, when the first had been forced into a shadowed, half-forgotten corner of Haise's mind.

He found himself in the white world again, only this time, instead of a park, there was a corner of a hallway, the ends awkwardly cut off. It looked like it belonged to a school of some kind, there was a window with only a view of the endless white and a door with a sign stating 'Storeroom'. That wasn't what caught Haise's attention though. Standing barely a couple of metres away, was the black-haired boy from the first dream. He was older - Haise guessed around his own age or younger - and seemed to be nervous, fidgeting with his hands as he stared expectantly down the hallway. There was something about him that was familiar. No, not just familiar, it was like Haise should know this person, and not only know him, but know him _very_ well. But before he could name this foreign feeling, the (H/C)-haired male appeared, skipping down the hallway towards the other. Like him, he was older, shorter than the black-haired male and with longer, messier hair. He halted beside the taller male and began to talk.

"Hey! So what did you call me for?"

The other shuffled, blush beginning to form on his face as he stuttered, "W-well, I-I um, uh..." His flush became worse and worse as he mumbled, "I uhm..." Haise felt his own face flushing, embarrassment rising in his chest, confusion mixed with all the nervousness the boy in front of him had, and beneath it all, a faint pull towards the (H/C)-haired male. "I-I like you!"

"E-eh?! You do?" (E/C) eyes widened in surprise and his mouth fell open, before he ducked his head, a pink tint to his cheeks, "I, well, I like you too." He looked up with a happy blush and a small smile.

The black-haired male exhaled, an overjoyed grin on his lips. Haise couldn't help mirroring it, he felt so...so _happy_ all of a sudden. He watched the two embrace, a relived jubilance filling his body before the scene melted away into darkness and he was met with the sight of his ceiling, a lingering warmth still on his cheeks.

 

.

.

.

 

The third dream wasn't as surprising as it was anticipated.

Haise blinked, the white dimension - as he came to call it - stretched limitlessly on all sides, nothing in sight. He didn't know what to do, so he began to walk, the unchanging scenery following him as he went. He didn't know how far he walked, or for how long, when it hit him. A stab of pain, so undiluted it made him scream, curling up with his hands gripping his head as agony struck again and again. His eyes squeezed shut as he writhed, now fallen on the ivory floor, barely noting the cold leeching from his body as he wailed, the very air muffling his cries.

Then, just as suddenly, it disappeared. All the pain stopped, leaving Haise panting on the ground, tears dripping down his cheeks as he gasped. He lay winded for a while, making no to effort to move until he forced himself to struggle to his feet. Now, in front of him, was a bedroom, or rather, part of one. Whoever it belonged evidently had a love for books, as they had filled their bookshelves and had begun piling them haphazardly all over the floor. He saw them, the two from his last dreams, now clearly a couple as they studied together. Well, one was studying, a determined expression on his face as he tried to ignore the other, (H/C)-haired male, who was lying across his lap, playfully whining.

"Come ooooon," he huffed, "You've been studying for two hours!"

"I know, but I've got a test tomorrow," The black-haired male had a book lying open on the other's back and papers scattered on the bed. His eyes had bags under them, his hair was messy and he was yawning as he spoke, but still doggedly trying to stuff more facts into his head.

The (H/C)-haired male pouted, "It's not healthy to cram you know,"

"I know."

"So stop doing it."

"No."

The shorter male abruptly rolled over, lying on top of the books with his arms crossed, "Now stop studying and cuddle."

"Give me back my books!" The black-haired male scrabbled at him ineffectively, before giving up with a sigh, "I need to study."

(E/C) eyes scanned his tired face, their owner sitting up and lifting his arms, "No, you need a nap."

The other gave him an incredulous look, "I don't need a-" A yawn interrupted him, underlining the (H/C)-haired male's statement.

"See? Yes you do," He shuffled forwards, capturing the other in an affectionate hug.

"No I don't," He struggled half-heartedly for a few moments before sighing and burying his nose in the front of the (H/C)-haired male's shirt, his arms wrapping around his middle as he lightly squeezed.

"Shut up and relax," The shorter laid down, still hugging the other close, a hand stroking black locks gently as he lowered his voice to a soft murmur. Haise stood a little ways away. He knew now he felt what the black-haired male felt. Even now, he was relaxed, sleepy, soothed by the sight in front of him and the (H/C)-haired male's very presence. Through half-lidded eyes, he watched the two fall asleep, still embracing each other in their safe little haven, their love unmistakeable.

.

.

.

 

By now, Haise was used to falling asleep and finding himself in the white dimension. He didn't know why, or how, but he found himself expecting them, waiting for them to show him those little moments of someone's life, but now he had a feeling they weren't _someone's_ , but somehow _his_.

But there was something else...Some underlining danger, hidden amongst the memories.

Yet, that felt familiar too.

 

He fluttered open his eyes, recognising the blank world around him and dismissing it in favour for the new scene in front of him. It was different, hazy, but at the same time sharper than real life. It kept spiking at the edges, as though it was reluctant to show itself and was warding off anybody who dared to come close, though of course, there was only Haise, poised near it but not in it. Watching.

It was of the couple again, only they weren't happily enjoying each other's company, but stiffly stood facing each other, a noticeable gap between them. They were in part of an alley, the walls close together, shadows coating everything in a darkening grey. It was near sunset, and it gradually grew dimmer as the two conversed, their words stilted and clipped.

"You're avoiding me," The (H/C)-haired male kept his gaze stubbornly away, fixated on some weeds that were poking out of the ground as the other spoke, his words accusing.

"I'm not," he mumbled, "I've been...busy."

"Busy?" Haise saw a look of hurt flicker across the taller's face. He felt it himself; a bite of outrage and resent that left a bitter feeling behind. "Busy enough you ignore all my calls?"

"Yes," (E/C) eyes narrowed as he bit his lip, "I have."

"Don't lie to me," His hands were clenched, his voice quivering with both anger and sadness. "I lost count of how many times, but it's impossible to be busy all day."

"Well that makes you clingy doesn't it?" The shorter snapped. The memory suddenly crumpled, the edges curling in, silencing the male's next words before straightening out, still prickling at the ends with renewed ferociousness. Haise, confused and alarmed, backed off a few steps as the conversation continued. "And you can-" The male stopped, freezing when he realised what he'd said.

"Well if that's how you really feel," The black-haired male had his head lowered, his bangs covering his eyes, "P-please, stay away from me."

"W-wait-" The (H/C)-haired male lunged forwards and grabbed the other's sleeve, "Wait Ka-" He broke off as the black-haired male's palm met his cheek, the slap resonating down the alleyway. He dropped the sleeve, gasp leaving his lips as he cupped his now red cheek with his hands, staring up at the other's tears, his own salty drops beginning to form.

The black-haired male smiled, tears trickling down his face as he spoke, "I've been alone all this time," He turned and started to walk away, "Goodbye."

Behind him, the male watched, his (E/C) eyes filled with immeasurable grief and regret as his shoulders began to shake.

The memory violently shattered, leaving Haise with feelings of twisting sorrow and ache, his own eyes were wet, his heart heavy as he inhaled a shuddery breaths.

 

Haise awoke, droplets on his cheeks.

 

.

.

.

 

For a few weeks, Haise had nothing but nightmares. Of monsters, trying to devour him, tear him limb from limb, torturing him as he screamed mutely, his arms shackled as he writhed. Noises like scurryings of invisible insects, sinister clickings, a sickly sweet laugh, the _clank clank clank_ of something metal that drove him to near-hysteria. A swift moment where he thought he saw a glimpse of (E/C), and a soft, gentle murmur of ' _-mis_ '. And numbers. Whispers following him everywhere, silently hissing, counting backwards in a jumble of numbers, their voices always _there_. Always.

Until one night, he came to, laying in the white dimension. He bolted up, black-and-white hair whipping about as he searched for it. The memory. It wasn't there, nothing but the blank whiteness and...and what appeared to be a tiny, black spot. Haise approached it cautiously, his footsteps echoing unusually loudly on the smooth ground. It was floating, about a foot above Haise's upturned head. It didn't do anything else, just hovered up there, unmoving.

He stretched up an arm to touch it, his fingers delving into the cool bubble, leaving no imprints as they disappeared before he retracted them quickly, eyes wide as he watched it fizz.

It began to foam, the froth still levitating, spreading like a stain on invisible cloth, then cracking into shards of bubbling pieces that fell, embedding themselves into the ground in front of Haise. Fuzzy, mix-matched fragments, all showing him indistinct palettes of colour, blurry people, their faces unrecognisable. But then, a pair of hands, grasping each other, (E/C) eyes, sharply defined, a soft smile directed towards...

Haise's eyes widened in shock, " _What...?_ " It was _him_ , the man, the strange-

"He stayed with me through everything." 

Haise jerked, spinning round to find he wasn't in the white world. He was standing in a field. A field of red spider lilies. His stomach dropped for an unknown reason, and he found himself nervously scanning the endless array of blooms, panic rising as he whipped round to come face to face with-

With _him_.

The man of Haise's hallucinations.

_His past self._

 

He glanced around, calmly watching as the memories dissolved into nothingness, his snowy white hair rippling in a non-existent breeze. He was seated on a metal chair, hands behind his back, his steely grey eyes deliberately turning to glare into Haise's own.

"He is someone important to us, Haise."

Haise found himself quivering, his voice shaky as he asked, "Why?"

A small, barely discernible smile in the corner of his lips softened his cold expression, his eyes closing as he spoke, "You tell me _Haise_. Why? Why is (M/N) so important?"

Haise's breaths hitched at the name, "(M-M/N)...?" He didn't know the name, he knew that, for certain. He'd never heard that name before.

_. . .Right?_  
_Then why did he feel so sad?_

Pain.

PAIN.

**PAIN.**

The white-haired male watched calmly as Haise doubled over, clutching his head as it seemed to explode with agony.

_Click. **Click.** Click. "-eat the weak." Screaming._

_"-tter to get hurt-"_ Colours seemed to burst under his eyelids as scream after scream ripped from his throat. _"- minus seven?" Help me._ __

  
_**Cr-ack.** Clatter. "-nekiiii!" **Snap.** _

__Sounds echoed in Haise's ears. Horrific, violent noises, cut off words, mysterious scuttles, metallic bangs. _Laughter._

  
_Crunch. "-eight hundred and seventy-" Sobbing._

_Why did you- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. -leave me alone? Hunger. **Hunger.**  
_

_Clang. **Clang.** Clang. _ The man closed his eyes once more, as if he couldn't bear to watch, but his face was expressionless, cold. Knowing.

_ Alone. _It hurt. So much. _Why, why, why, why- **Don't-**_

Haise let out a twisted screech, tears sliding down his cheeks as the torment racked his form. _No. No. **No.**_

_-to protect every- "-precious friend?" **Tearing.**_

_-choose me- "-mble up your insid-!" -disgusting.  Slash. "-six hundred and fifty-"_

It stopped. Abruptly dissipating, leaving Haise lying amongst blood-red blooms, his hands covering his ears, eyes squeezed shut, his breaths erratic. _He_ just observed, face blank as if he was just watching an extremely boring show, but as Haise made no attempt to move, he seemed to tense.

"You're weak Haise." The limp male did nothing, no reaction, no movement, just his shaky gasps. "How can you protect anything?" The male's tone got sharper the more he spoke, "Then or now, you still can't."

Haise's voice was faint, barely above a whisper, "W-what do you-?"

"You'll make him suffer." Angry, grey eyes glared furiously at him, so similar to Haise's own, yet completely different. "You _promised._ "

"W-what? What prom-?"

"We promised. To protect him. No matter what happens," The man jerked his wrists, a clatter of chains breaking as he stood. Haise couldn't do anything as he walked over to stand above him, eyes narrowed with unreadable emotions at the weary body at his bare feet. "You can't protect him like this," His white hair was fluttering limply, partly covering his face with pearly strands. "You need to remember Haise. Remember everything."

Haise's eyes were heavy. He wanted to sleep. "Remember...?"

"Yes," the other's hisses seemed to croon, "Remember. Remember _yourself."_

He was tired. So tired. "Mm hm..." Haise's eyes closed, his surroundings flickering and melting away to reveal the chequered floor, the thin red frames, criss-crossing into darkness high above his body. The quiet voice faded to a sinister whisper as cold air caressed Haise's face, ruffling his two-toned hair as he slept.

 

Haise didn't wake up.

.

.

.

.

But Kaneki did.


End file.
